Part of this busyness has involved listing things to sell on Craigslist – a really helpful tool that is unfortunately used by a lot of tools. I didn’t keep official statistics, but I’d estimate that one million perfcet of the replies I get from ads I listed are a waste of time. Either they are spam (I stopped listing my phone number as I was tired of getting phone spam), people asking questions and never replying to my reply, or absolute retards.

Recently, I got to experience the last one through a series of emails that I thought would be entertaining. It is below the break.

The following correspondence is pretty much indicative of the type of responses I receive. Their words in green, my words in blue.

I receive this email with no subject:

ill give you 15 bucks if u can deliver it

At this point, even if it takes a little time, I may have a sale here. So I decide to be cordial in the response, and take it step by step on what I would need to make a sale. Hand holding, really.

I have quite a few things listed on Craigslist right now – it would help if you provided the following bits of information:

1. What item “it” is
2. Where you want “it” delivered
3. When you would want “it” delivered

Thanks,
Robert

One day later, I receive this reply:

it was the candy machine.
to commerce asap

At this point, I’ve already decided that I won’t be selling anything to this person. They certainly answered the first question, but decided to skip the second and go straight to the third. Obviously this person was in great need for the gumball machine I listed for $10. Why the run around? If we are to “commence asap” then let’s get to the point!

Hi Ulices,

Where would you want this delivered? If it is on the westside and not far from my house, then 5 dollars is a reasonable delivery rate. However – if you are in Hollywood or the Valley, then 5 dollars to deliver this is too low.

Thanks,
Robert

Again, a solid day later, Ulices replies:

IM IN THE EAST L.A AREA

Now, I’m not sure of the caps lock indicates that Ulices is losing patience with me and my incessant questioning (JUST DELIVER THE CANDY MACHINE!) or it is just another sign that the quality level of actual communication has dropped so low that this seems like a reasonable email to send someone. Either way, at this point I had enough.

Hi Ulices,

You are the classic example of a craiglist time-wasting lunatic. I wouldn’t sell this candy machine to you if it meant unlimited riches for the rest of my long, long life. May god have mercy on your soul.

Sincerely,
Robert

Now, I wasn’t expecting a miracle here. Well, that isn’t true. I was hoping deep down that the person would receive my snarky reply, then go back and reread the ridiculousness that had been sent and reevaluate how they communicate in the modern world. A world that really should be at the top of it’s game for communication. Letters no longer take a week to get to where they are going, you can call someone’s telephone no matter where they are, you can communicate your ideas and thoughts in a million different ways. These all may not be used to the best of their capabilities, but they are tools and it is up to us to use them. A hammer can be used to build a house, or kill someone. Don’t blame the hammer.

But I digress. I received this reply one day later:

fuck ur bitch ass

And with that, all hope drained from my body. I promptly bought a big-screen television, subscribed to “Jon and Kate plus 8″ and ate Combos, Twizzlers, and Big Gulps for the rest of my life.

You can read about it on my twitter feed.

Nice teeth.

Image Credit

As preparation for moving (which of course includes: quitting my job), I decided to take advantage of my health insurance while I still have it. I did this earlier in the year by voluntarily catching viral meningitis in July – but lately I’ve been stacking it up with a root canal and crown on a broken tooth.

This hasn’t been pleasant, but today was the third and final visit where they fit the crown, cleaned my teeth and set me free to destroy thing with my new chrome-molar. Chromolar.

Here is the kicker: Even though I had insurance I still had to pony up a grand to get this fixed. And though I am rich beyond my wildest imagination, this was still a significant hit to the moving fund. So today as I’m doing the final consultation, they ask when I want to schedule the SIX fillings they think I need done.

Excuse me? When did this happen? I’m confused… we never spoke of this before. You said my teeth are in great shape. You tricksters noticed my insurance paid up very nicely, and want to get even more work done. I get it. They offer me two options: pay about $1800 and get it done before January (recommended, of course). Or I could wait until the new year and pay about $1000 for the fillings because I will get a new year of benefits.

I told them I’d have to sit down and plan my finances, then get back to them. Needless to say my plans don’t include getting more dental work anytime soon. It feels good to get this done as benefits in the immediate future will most likely have to be privately provided.

Isn’t there some sort of public option I can get?

I’ve always sort of been proud about how much stuff I don’t own. “Mostly just my CDs and garage stuff, really. I can fit all the clothes I own in a small bag.” I’ve been saying that to myself for months.

And it is half true. I really don’t own that many things. I borrow most of my books, a lot of the furniture is my roommate’s, and every couple of months I go on a cathartic purge of things I deem useless.

However, once you start actually packing things into boxes and visualizing what each box will look like in the back of a moving truck – you have more stuff than you realize. So I have been on my most ruthless item purge yet! Well, I’ve been planning on doing it. It is just a slow goer.

Oh man – an Absolut Vodka ad just came on and they were using Joy Division’s Atmosphere as the background. Bummer.

So I have been really thinking about absolute basics. I think there is a delicate balance of getting rid of stuff you don’t want to move and stuff that would be more expensive to replace once you arrive in your new town. For example:

Bed, Desk, Dresser – All out. I’ve been sleeping on a futon too long, and the others were cheap/free IKEA furniture. I’m very ready to be rid of particle board.

CDs, DVDs, and records – This is my weakness. Not so much on the DVD front, as I don’t own that many anymore. But CDs take up a lot of space. DVDs, on the other hand, are almost a dead format to me. I have a large stack of DVDs I’m selling at Second Spin, and I just need to get ruthless and clear out the rest that aren’t Criterion or music related.

Garage stuff – I’ve been listing spare parts and stuff that I keep in the “maybe I’ll need this” pile lately, but I still have four motorcycles. Until I get the time and space to finish the 750′s, I think that is how it will remain. This is my biggest spacehog. Stuff like rolling workbenches are a necessity, but may easier to sell and get a new one in the future.

Clothes – please. I can’t tell you the last time I bought a new shirt. I got rid of two bags at the Goodwill last weekend. Beans and I tried out those fancy vacuum “space bags” and they work really well. You stuff them full of clothes then vacuum the air out so your clothes look like beef jerky.

Kitchen items – I have a small box of kitchen items, but a lot of this stuff I want to replace and get “new/used” at thrift stores and garage sales. Items like twenty year-old blenders and bowls are generally built better, more aesthetically pleasing, and cheaper. Hunting for that stuff is half the fun for me.

Red vinyl couch – I will never part with thee.

Pinball machine – unfortunately, it is probably time to get rid of my 1979 Gottlieb Countdown. It is just one more project that is on a long list of things to do, and too delicate to move in a pick-up truck 4 years its junior.

Overall, it comes down to “What do you want to move?” and “What can you live without?” The answer to both of those is “as little as possible” and “as much as possible,” respectively.

Now who wants to buy this bass guitar?

I bought this truck – I guess that is a first step.

It is a 1975 Chevy. It has low mileage, a rebuilt engine, and lots of room. It can also tow a trailer and have a camper put on it. The possibilities are endless!

Even though it runs strong now, before I head north for the holidays I want to put new tires on it and give it a general tune-up. This is resulting in me doing a lot of reading up and studying of the engine, etc. It is a much bigger project to tackle than an old Japanese bike. I don’t necessarily have the garage space either.

Good thing I have a Dad and a brother-in-law who can probably tune this puppy up with their eyes closed.

(Dad – can I put an airhorn and a spare CB in it? Please?)

Maybe you’ve know me because you are a family member or friend. Maybe you know me from my other blog, Shoes On Powerlines. Or maybe you just stumbled in. No matter! Because I’m moving! I’m moving to Austin!

AUSTIN TEXAS!

I’m fast approaching the big 3-0 and I’ve been living up and down the I5 my entire life. I grew up in Southern Oregon, took 5 years in Portland and had the time of my life, spent a few years in the middle of the state then decided to give it a shot in Los Angeles (for all the wrong reasons). When that fell through rather quickly, I’ve done my 4 years time here and realized I’ve fell into a trap that I would have to make some serious compromises to get out of. The cost of living in Los Angeles and the amount I would have to pay to live how I want to live are at odds, and Los Angeles just isn’t my city. I could talk for hours about it, but it comes down to four words: I need a change.

So why Texas?

Well, I really miss George Bush. Kidding.

I went to Austin last year to see Boston Spaceships play, and I fell in love with the city. Sounds like a movie. It was! It was a movie of awesome! Quite simply, Austin is more my speed and contains a lot of things I enjoy. I’ll probably go into a lot of these as posts go on, but the main thing I enjoyed about it was it wasn’t Los Angeles, and it was somewhere I’ve never lived before.

So I’m gonna move there. So is my girlfriend. Her name is Beans. Not really, but thats what she wants to be called.

I decided to start keeping a blog again because I enjoy writing, buy I don’t really have anything awesome to write about. Well, here ’tis.

More posts as it goes. I own a truck now, so there are a few pictures to look forward to.